Nuance, Homemaking and The Remix
A summer newsletter that contains very little news.
Subtlety, Nuance and Poetry
Not too long ago I was listening to the actress, Parker Posey’s autobiography on my long commute to school in the morning. She had mentioned the John Cassavetes film, Opening Night. She said she thought Gena Rowlands really nailed the experience of being an actress; of preparing for a role- or getting to the art of it. Something like that.
It reminded me that I had never seen the film but I meant to, a long time ago, as I so love Rowlands in A Woman Under the Influence and even more, Minnie and Moskowitz. Both films were made with her husband, the director and actor, John Cassavetes, and their team of friends and colleagues. I was lucky enough to attend a festival for Cassavetes’ work in Los Angeles around 2010 or so, featuring interviews and screenings. I missed hearing Gena Rowlands speak, but I did get to attend a public showing of Minnie and Moskowitz and see/hear Seymour Cassel being interviewed at a one-screen theatre in Los Angeles where film fans could bring their own beverages and sit on sofas. I was in the front row.
I saw that strange love story (Minnie and Moskowitz) on a cable channel soon before the festival and it made me feel so deeply sad, yet it connected to my experience at that time, in the city of Los Angeles, where the movie takes place. When I found out that it was originally marketed as a sort of lighthearted love story when it was released in 1971, I felt very disturbed. The relationships in the film were so unsettling, but still, I was drawn into it for reasons I didn’t quite understand. So I decided to attend the screening and realized certain elements, in the presence of a “Cassavetes” crowd and with Cassel there, that I had missed on my own.
So yeah, I recently watched Opening Night, about an actress trying to find her way into her part. Into the art of it. Truly. That’s how I see it. In the play she’s starring in, she must demonstrate something about aging. She has to kill off what I see as a spirit of her youth in order to get there, and this is complicated.
Critics have funny ways of looking at the film. They are all not wrong. Roger Ebert only seemed to look at it completely through the lens of alcoholism. Another writer wrote about it as a horror film. It’s so funny to think about the options we have through our ways of perceiving… anything!
Here is the entire film, for free, on Youtube:
I’m glad to have been led back to a Cassavetes film as well as revisiting the way Gena Rowlands acts in them, because lately I’ve been thinking a lot about subtlety, nuance and poetry.
On another side of that coin, a while back I happened to find and jotted down a quote attributed to Jim Henson, on the internet, after a friend had suggested I give some clear information within a writing project I had just started. I did my best to share with my friend a “big picture” explanation of what the project is about, but didn’t really express how it wasn’t important for the “thesis” to be known after every story installment. After receiving the creative input, I gave the idea (of attempting to clarify) a shot, but came to the conclusion that clarity isn’t the point. Clarity is the least clear thing, really. Then I ran across what the master of the Muppets said: “You're assisting the audience to understand; you're giving them a bridge or an access. And if you don't give them that, if you keep it more abstract, it's almost more pure. It's a cooler thing.”
It’s a cooler thing. Maybe it’s poetry.
Jim Henson and John Cassavetes, Gena Rowlands, along with other writings, music, films and art- even fashion, combined in my mind to confirm my intuition. Angels on shoulders, whispering reminders in my ear, the words: subtlety, nuance and poetry.
All that said- when it’s art, the mystery of it is good. When it’s a person-to-person relationship, subtlety and nuance can feel like gaslighting or just be outright exhausting, so I can understand why the internet and people want to feel like there are algorithmically packaged ideas presented to their minds like predictably taped Amazon packages stacked at their doorsteps- but who in this world really knows themselves enough to be that clear and sure all the time?
Sometimes you just give in, and let an expression or experience move through you, and it doesn’t just sift through the mind into an instant form of understanding or secure feeling, and that’s what it’s all about. Of course the thought of this activity does not sit well with some folks.
Of all things, my father used to get really angry at the show, The Simpson’s because he said the jokes were basically calling people like him stupid. He didn’t get the pop-culture references or understand the occasional cultural critique wrapped up in silliness, I guess. At the same time, he loved listening to Laurie Anderson albums. The balm of sound carrying Anderson’s layered and encapsulated esoteric investigations soothed him, whereas the sound of Bart Simpson saying “Eat my shorts.” did not. Makes sense. It’s so ironic though, considering Anderson’s music being spread out to popular culture by way of the art establishment that blatantly claims a space in our world that my dad was concerned about being judged from. I suppose she was able to sneak some things by that very system. Well done, I say.
Homemaking
Sometimes I’ll see a person and I’ll imagine what their day-to-day and evenings and weekends are like. Admittedly, it’s a whole “grass is always greener on the other side” sort of thing. I’ll imagine how peaceful they are after they are done at work. They like the predictability of their job. They enjoy where they live. It’s a simple life and they take care of their home or apartment in a way that pleases them. They unwind with some good food and a glass of wine or a beer in the early evening, after work. They go for walks or sit on a favorite bench and look at the ocean as the sun sets or rises. They have routines. In this fantasy, they are content, solitary figures and very present, like a character we follow in a novel or a film.
It’s a vision of life as an encapsulated swirl of existence, from the point of reference of my momentary and idealized view. I’ve come to understand that it’s my perception of an acceptance of THIS being the whole deal. All parts are maintained and running smoothly enough. A few hiccups here and there are to be expected and they are dealt with. Not everything is easy but it’s not meant to be. There are always the evenings and there is always that bench. Ambition, anxieties, family, and other life circumstances can be mixed into it, but it doesn’t distract from what it’s all, truly about. The “hustle” must be monitored, as it can so easily become engorged by outside forces and make such a mess of things.
There is this feature-length documentary about the fashion designer, Dries Van Noten, from 2017. In it we learn about his journey and as well, we take a look into his life with his partner, who would like to be less rigid than Van Noten is with scheduling, especially when traveling, but understands the weight of the business that they are now both a part of, and how many people rely on their mutual work of running a fashion line without the support of gigantic investment companies.
*It seems that just after the film release, in 2018, a company called Puig became the majority owner of his fashion brand, but Van Noten is still the Chief Creative Officer and Chairman of the Board. Maybe now they have time for vacations.
There are some scenes from the documentary that I can’t get out of my head- They have this garden, and of course it’s bonkers and huge, but that’s not the point of my interest. I loved watching how the two of them go out and find what is blossoming, what vegetables are ready to harvest for meals, and how they then take time to arrange the flowers and branches and greenery into vases and place them within their living spaces with the same, exact care that we see Van Noten giving to his fashion design and production. The two make fresh, beautiful meals and share it with a friend or two- we see that, as well.
It all matters and all of it deserves consideration.
That said, this is a film and not a pure observation of life, and there is a level of discomfort there for what may be obsessive behavior, and it’s kind of ridiculous. It’s not a perfect life, of course. But I’m not concerned with that, at the moment.
Survival is such a distraction from the sacred electricity we’re a part of, and what I engaged with in the film is the tending to things like the placement of a vase at home with the same energy and connection as the decision to use a certain printed theme on a fashion collection that will be on a runway and in stores, all over the world.
What we think should be or what should come next in life, the expectations we have of others and patterns we get into where we may be blinded to believe we are less than we are- Dissatisfaction, desire, hurt, greed, anger, habits and compulsion can take over and distract us, big time. Not to mention aches and pains. Physical problems. What a challenge it is!
But that being said, I’m really tired of conversations that run in circles of dissatisfaction. I get caught in the web of them sometimes and I don’t like the feeling, at all. I don’t care anymore. I may act like I do, because I know that sort of patience is a part of sharing kindness, but it’s really a dangerous energy, and toxic to something delicate and invisible and important.
I had the moment while driving, not too long ago, where I started to think of the perfectly encapsulated lives I envision people I don’t know having, and finally made the connections between those imaginings and choices I had been making and desires I’d been having for my own activities, time management, and the way I live in my spaces, not to mention how I approach my creative projects. I’m working to embody a personal ideal, and I think noticing a shift between seeing it in others and recognizing that it’s my own journey, is a big step toward refinement. Of course, it’s always easier said than done. Maintaining focus, managing distractions, earning a living, creating emotional boundaries, breaking away from behavior patterns and considering energy levels are big challenges. It’s not about something “out there” in the future or in someone else’s life- it’s here. Right now. This is it.
The Remix
I think it was during the late nineties, while reading an interview with Björk, after listening to her remix album, Telegram, that I started my thinking on the term, “remix.” She loved how producers would reorganize her songs and make them into something new or different. I remember thinking how I might feel if someone took something of mine and made something with it. I felt that it might make me feel upset or jealous if they did a better job.
But- I knew I valued certain remixed songs more than the originals. At the time I was obsessed with her band, The Sugarcubes’ remix album called, It’s It.
It was my connection to the transcendence of dancing via early rave culture and nightlife that kept me interested in the remix, but it wasn’t until 2006 or so when I hand-drew a graphic for my website, using the word as a way to abstractly explain what I was throwing up onto the web.
I used paper and stuck sewing needles through the word, as I was in the midst of what we now call “upcycling” my clothes, as a way to have new things to wear that looked interesting. (Makes perfect sense, right?) In my art, I was trying to find a reason for my compulsion to take random objects and make art out of them. I was and still am sort of obsessed with making something ignored into something of value.
It wasn’t until 2008 or so when I finally added that graphic to my website. Below is a screenshot of the main page that I accessed using the wayback machine, so some of the image and links are no longer accessible (thank goodness). That was when I returned to Los Angeles and my website was really a lot of fun.
I took close-up photos of the fabric of old polyester pant suits I wore and loved. I found this image of a Shitzu-Maltese dog online at a pet adoption page and used it as some kind of mascot for who I was. People assumed it was my dog.
I combined all of these hand-made and found things into the website, where I shared events and projects, with page-project links and music playlists and photos. I had a link to a free printable calendar page. At the time some people were overwhelmed by it all, but I was and still am kind of overwhelming, so it fits. I was influenced by M.I.A.’s early website and the folks who did the PaperRad project. Maximalism might be what it is, or ADHD. Who cares. Tomato, tomato, it’s who I am and I like it.
During the early days of internet things, I used my website as a way to put together and share parts of myself, as well as my profiles on the growing number of social media sites. An ex partner made a fake MySpace page using my writing and photos so I wanted to clearly own and share my identity. This probably was not very healthy, but neither was the relationship, to say the least. Irregardless of that motivation, I remember if I didn’t take the time to organize the site every few months or so, I felt totally lost. In the end, the program I used to make and maintain my website became increasingly complicated and I followed the flow of addictive public oversharing on all the places we do and have done that sort of thing. The personal “website,” was not important anymore. I hung on for as long as I could and still have my website, but really only use it for my CV and to add links for Instagram.
Lately though, the remix is constant, or perhaps I’m just older and can recognize references and influences that are everywhere. But no, I think it’s more of a thing. Think of the show, Stranger Things. Part of my partner and I watching this includes our recognition of what they are referencing. Even the fact that Winona Ryder is in it and Ethan Hawk’s daughter is, as well, connecting us in a “strange” way to Reality Bites and our early days of adulthood is bonkers, for realz.
And then there is fashion! Look at what designers are doing. From artists’ works printed onto clothes to actual objects being stuck onto shirts. Virgil Abloh’s Off White dissection of brands to Jonathan Anderson and what people like Seks 5th Avenue are doing. Even (and in a different way) what Maria Grazia Chiuri is up to at Christian Dior- how she is combining crafting and concepts to collections and shows being produced to demonstrate the fashion. (I’m not adding links to all these fashion people as they receive enough attention and money.)
Of course I had friends who were doing the pop-culture and over-the-top sort of fashion remixes in the mid-2000’s, which I’m sure influenced what is going on now, to a certain extent. That’s the way it goes. Like Madonna making a hit song out of vogueing long after it’s in fashion and ruining everything. The originators get lost, far behind the piles of money thrown at those better able to do what it takes to make corporations richer. Lol.
But my current interest in “the remix” is connecting more to my work toward re-use. Valuing what is there and slowing down. Mending. Making something new out of something old. Not so sexy.
As well, I can’t shake off the economic angle. The shit stores that sell what most people can afford, but are making so much waste and paying employees so little. The fact that my elderly mom has a great time at Walmart and I don’t fight her on it because there are few things she can enjoy now.
There is still something in me that goes to the dollar stores and thinks, “How can I make something out of this that transforms it and says something?” There is something in me that says, “This is all that we’re offered? Okay, I’ll make something you never imagined out of it. I’m fine with this,” even though I know that I’m participating in and feeding into a system of waste and greed that turns on most of us every second it has the chance to.
I used to hear that voice when I played house with my friends, as a child. I had that as a fantasy of what adult life could be, to use what I have and make something distinctly my own out of it, when I was in elementary school! It was a quiet reaction to the life I was born into that can’t help but seep out of my fifty-year old pores and onto everything I make. I even fell in love with a producer who remixes music as a part of his job. Of course!
I think it’s all worth consideration. There’s something to it.
The subtlety and nuance connects to the moments when I can’t just say, “Walmart is bad,” because I see what it does for an elderly woman who enjoys spending time there.
Problematic
During the past couple of years, I’ve been pleased to hear my students consider how things in our culture are problematic (a term I never thought I’d hear so many teenagers say), but I’ve also noticed their coming to terms with nuance. I have a great deal of compassion for how overwhelming it must be to be faced with a need to feel a sense of security, in regard to reality. To try and adhere to some kind of honor, to be kind to others and true to oneself, and as well, be aware deep-down that life gets quite messy and we often become the things we think we aren’t or never will be.
Like snail shell homes we make on our backs- curating our lives, if we are lucky enough to have time to rest or the wherewithal to stop and think a little bit, and the ability to move and make (art, clothes, music, a life, a home, a family…) within our circumstances. Poetry. Packaging. Remixing and so on and so on and so on and on and on and on.