Ostara has come and gone and here we are, right in the midst of spring.
My week-long spring break is over and I have to say, I got some good sitting and staring done- one of my favorite pastimes.
As a getaway for my partner Kenny’s fiftieth, we went to stay at The Dream Inn in Santa Cruz for a couple of nights. It took some budgeting and saving to do such a thing, and it was basically a “staycation,” but it was delightful and worth it.
The rooms all have ocean views with balconies that overlook not only waves crashing onto happy beachgoers, but the nearby wharf and the Boardwalk amusement park, just a few sandy steps away.
Surfers in wetsuits constantly rush by this view as they make their way to the historic Steamer Lane, by way of a skibble through the beach and then board-on-water.
They looked like “water ants” in the distance, sitting and waiting for the next good wave. There were even a couple of electronic surfboards zipping around. They had no need to wait.
When surfers stood up and rode inside and out of the moving curls of water, they turned into upright dashes or lowercase L’s.
(Sunrise from balcony seen below)
I saw one person who didn’t have use of their legs. It was either their partner or friend who brought the kayak-like board (sorry I don’t know much about surf equipment) to the beach. I also saw that despite the sand being quite firm where the waves crashed, it was difficult to wheel over to where the person with a disability could, with board, launch into the water, where there was no need for legs.
Getting into the vessel and water looked tough, and it seemed like they didn’t want their partner or friend to help them as much as they were trying to.
Eventually both surfers were in the water and they quickly blended into the “dash and dot” crowd. There was no sign of them for hours, aside from a lone wheelchair waiting on the sand, far enough away from the danger of a rogue wave taking it away, maybe as a gift for yet another human-curious MerPerson.
But I didn’t only sit and stare on this trip- I gained enough inspiration by way of walks through beachside tourist shops to piece together a seashell-wind chime sort of thing once we returned home. It’s something I had mentioned wanting to make in my last newsletter.
It turned out great and I can see it right now as I write. It pleases me so much!
While I can totally understand a purchased item like this being meaningful, as it can bring back memories of a trip, Kenny and I have been collecting and saving seashells from our many walks over the years and I’ve been wanting to make something like this out of them.
It’s easy for me to make stuff. It’s just the time it takes to do so- that’s the tricky part. Finding time. Internet videos make it seem like a craft like this takes about two minutes, not including a step-by-step tutorial featuring an ASMR-style narration on the process made and shared on social media. This is a lie. Do not trust anyone who makes videos like this.
The truth is that you will have to mess up in order to solve problems. You may have to restart after you put a lot of work in. You will have to decide how you will compromise your original plans in order to complete the project. there will always be a disconnect between the original plan and the reality of the circumstances of the making- including materials available as well as time, space and tools at hand.
Some consider this disconnect to be part of the magic of making. I know I do.
*Below is a terrible crafting tutorial I made eleven years ago.
Spring Break Productivity!
I once again secured my place at our big, local arts festival called the West End Celebration, happening in August. I’m teaming up with a pal who also upcycles clothes. I’ll be doing that, with more monster tees and glorious handbags made 100% from scratch as well as other semi-useful repurposed items that I fluff-up and make my own. I’ll also have some small art available. Time to start cracking!
I’m not taking the summer off of teaching this year, so I’ll have to delegate and manage time in creative ways. Message to self: I’ll do just fine. Deadlines are good.
In addition to that, I’m still looking for a home for a body of work that deserves a good space, but that requires admin work I’m gearing myself up for, after I return to the schedule of school.
At school I’m forced to be an admin machine- my energy for writing during a “work day” is spent mostly on paragraph-long notes home everyday. I and my fellow teachers compose eight or more, each day.
I start class sessions by doing a sort of “admin” work with students, regarding their homework review or discussion thereof, and then switch gears into the realm of art and before we know it I have to hop back onto the admin-train by way of clicking laptop keys and summarizing what happened in class.
This is the world of one-to-one teaching and I have to admit that getting into this mental space helps me get started, during breaks, on my own art-admin work.
That said, my doctor now uses an AI scribe to recap what goes on during our visits. I wonder if my school is on their way adding such a thing to our sessions, to make things easier on us teachers. If they do, I wonder how I’ll feel about it?
Anyway, after fifty-three years on this planet, I’m still working to find systems for different modes of thinking and understanding more and more how this affects my creative energy.
As good as a work routine can help one take care of business, I need inspiration: sitting and staring. I need time to gather ideas, materials and tools: journaling and walks on the beach, etc… I need time to create and make mistakes, and this involves space, time and maneuvering around whatever mood I might be in.
I realize that this is what most people have figured out in their lives, no matter their work or interests, but I remember a time when I could not seem to even start to get off of my ass to honor my art life. As well, I hear stories from young people who have regrets about not doing enough, even at their age! So maybe it’s helpful to share how I go about it. (Whatever “it” is.)
And oh yes, Ostara!
My seashell “trinket” was definitely a way to honor this season. The creation of something new from things saved and hidden in a basket, for so long. Now they are dancing in the wind, and occasionally (thankfully not very often) making some lovely sounds.
I also added a lining to a dress I made out of scraps around 2021. It needed something more, as I always had to wear a slip with it, and as I get older I am just so bothered by the feel of certain fabrics, especially when they are tight on my skin.
Making a beloved and hand-crafted dress, from things like old cotton-print pants I bought from the Goodwill on Vine street in Hollywood and wore to bits, makes me feel as though I’m engaging in the creation of the “newness,” of spring.
And just as the plants and crops we grow ought to come from soil that has been used for such purposes before, this dress comes from what was, before.
In honor of the birds making nests and wanting to use my birdbath again (just a bowl outside) I got a silly little gnome sculpture because I had a five-dollar-off coupon at my grocery store and a small tree trunk in my front geranium garden that needed something to sit upon it.
The gnome holds what is supposed to be an upturned mushroom and it holds seeds.
So birds can eat near the front of the house and in the back they get water.
I even saw a slug enjoying some of the seeds, and that is fine by me. Little slug may end up also being bird food, but I’m a mere humble servant of the sabbat- Mother Nature calls the shots.
Okay, I’m going to try and keep this one simpl(er) and short(er). I have other writing I need to focus on, so I need to get used to spending less time on these newsletters. It seems folks don’t like long blog posts anyway-
But Before I go-
Movies!
Well, I have one to recommend. It’s a Romanian film called Do Not Expect Much From The End of The World that my friend and coworker suggested I watch.
I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s so layered I am unsure how to talk about it. In an interview I saw online, Martin Scorsese speaks of it eloquently so you can look that up if you want to.
As a film, it’s an artwork that feels to reflect where we are so perfectly. I love the choices made by the makers to “converse” with clips from an old film whose actors are, now much older, in this new one- playing the same characters! Ugh- I feel like I was just trying to dip my feet into all the courage it takes to make a film like this when I was studying digital filmmaking in Kansas City, so many years ago.
Anyway, just watch it if you can.
Books!
Here are some I’m reading or have read:
Ione Skye’s Say Everything (Fun read, not life-altering for me.)
Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food (I am constantly thinking about things Michael Pollan has written. I love, love, love his work.)
Romani Durvasula PhD It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People (Incredibly helpful and life-altering if you are in the midst of this kind of change.)
Simon Critchley’s On Mysticism: The Experience of Ecstacy (Hard book to read in bits and pieces, which is what I’ve been doing. I think I need a deep-dive sort of reading experience with this one. Still working on it.)
Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic (Never got into her but learned about this from the Telepathy Tapes’ Ky Dickens being a guest on Rachel Dratch’s Woo Woo podcast. It confirms a lot of things for me and my creative process and struggles and I love that she marks it all linking to actual magic.
Bernie!
I just have to mention how powerful it has been to see images of working people and those in support of us and those who have been so hurt and fearful lately, on the streets and in massive crowds- all rallying around Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez who are acting like actual public servants. Finally.
Greed is such a sickness. The hoarding of possessions and money and power over others is such a disease and it reaches so far into humanity- even those of us without billions of dollars.
Of course there is a lot more to say on the matter and there are people far better suited to do so, but I am a part of the “working paycheck-to-paycheck” community stuck in the student-loan trap, probably for the rest of my life.
Like so many of us, I have to space out my doctor’s appointments to ensure that I can afford my out-of-pocket fees. I could go on. So yeah, I’m still thankful for Bernie.
Here’s to new beginnings. Next time we will celebrate Beltane and start thinking about summer.
Cheers.
I used to live directly across the street from the Boardwalk Beach in the old La Bahia hotel; it was a crazy place with my neighbors having way too many out-of-control parties. But my favorite thing was grabbing a coffee and (print!) newspaper, first thing in the morning, and going out to read the paper on the beach. Growing up in Santa Cruz, so many turning points in my life happened on or near that beach, haha. . .